Here is the explanation- i met him on match.com a few weeks ago- we went out for drinks once and it was fun- i wasn’t blown away though. he called and asked me out for dinner- i said, yes, later called to cancel b/c i had to take an exam on Saturday (i’m a law student) and I needed to study that thursday. anyway, I’d appreciate you’re response- I’m not pressed for this guy, but I”m still curious!
The email:
Hey, so..how did you do on your test?? Hopefully you were able to celebrate with your friends sat. evening. My Saturday consisted of a lot of waiting in line, followed by?a lot of drinking :\ ugh..a little hungover today. I went to this outdoor St. Pat?s day fest in ballston. Waited in line for 2 hours. I had friends that were coming later who definitely weren?t going to get in, so I didn?t stay long and met with them back by where I live. Beautiful weather this weekend!!
Oh yea..my new car. It was actually a spur of the moment purchase. Work has been slow lately, so Wednesday morning, I decided to check out carmax online. I searched both in this area and the Richmond area where my folks live. I found the eclipse at the Richmond store, but they could not hold it for me til the weekend, and other people had been looking at it..so..I asked my boss if I could take off the afternoon, which he let me, and I drove down to Richmond, bought it, and drove back in the new car that night Ha..a rather expensive impulse buy.
Let?s grab dinner this week. Does Thursday still work best? We can still try that Houston?s place. I?ll give you a call tomorrow and we?ll figure out time and directions and all that. Do you still have company in town? Didn?t want to bug ya today if your friends were still in town. Well?Now that I?m finally vertical, I guess I?ll try to get out and accomplish something today Talk
to you soon…
DCB says,
Phew I actually made it through his really boring email. So let me get this straight: you flaked out on a guy, he asked you out again to dinner, and you are wondering what HE thinks? Isn’t it obvious that he wants to bang you? For a law student you are pretty slow.
To the men: I don’t recommend asking a girl out through email. When you ask a girl out on the telephone, you instantly know where you stand based on how she responds. Does she pause for a long time? Does she come up with a lame excuse? How quick does she make a counter-offer? In email she has all the time in the world to carefully construct an answer that doesn’t give you any hint of how you are progressing in the seduction.
Kathryn says,
Yeah. DUH. What guy writes emails that long when he doesn’t like you? He’s also trying to impress you with his busy social schedule, disposable income, and attention to your plans. HE LIKES YOU.
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If you’ve just met the woman and don’t have her phone number because she’s still trying to figure out if you’re a dangerous stalker you may not have any option but e-mail to ask her out. I know for me you have a better chance of reaching me by e-mail than by phone.
This is DC. It’s full of law students, people working at non-profits, and career oriented women working 12 hour days 6 days a week. You have to give them a few “I’m really busy but I really DO want to get together”s before you can determine if she’s just trying to be nice about blowing you off or not.
This writer has already used her first “I’m busy”. Clearly he understands that people really do get busy and that tests really do sneak up on you.
He wants another date but didn’t want to just write an e-mail that says “so how does thursday sound?” He felt he needed to pad it out. So he rambled on about his weekend first.
Comment by Ibid on 04/07/06.
I don’t understand the point of this girl’s question. Is she asking FirstDate whether he is worth seeing again? Girl needs to decide for herself. He sounds like a nice guy and like relationship material and he’s obviously interested. So make up your mind, girl, instead of sending an e-mail that he took time and effort to write you to total strangers for publishing on the Internet for all to see. And yes, DCB, guys need to use the phone. Stuff like this is why I am done with online dating.
Comment by Emil on 04/07/06.
Here’s what I recommend:
If a guy tries to make plans with you and offers a day that you could not make, make sure you counter-offer with another day. This is a must, otherwise some guys will probably think you’re blowing him off, and stop wasting time on you.
If this guy had lots of self respect, he would’ve called you out for flaking the first time, and would’ve never felt any need to impress you. It sounds like you’re more into this guy than you let on… Otherwise you wouldn’t have asked this question.
Next time, don’t you flake…and if you absolutely could not meet his offer, counteroffer with another day. If you don’t do this, I’ll personally come over, drag you out to a bar, and teach you Miss Manners Dating Ettiquette. Wednesdays, 8 pm, one hour each session for six sessions.
Comment by nabeel on 04/07/06.
And btw… I have to say this: No, tests don’t really “sneak” up on you. Baloney either you were not paying attention in class, or you were looking for a way to wriggle out of a date. Either way, that is an “excuse”… And I am not a fan of excuses at all…
Comment by nabeel on 04/07/06.
Clearly Nabeel never went to college or did anything else that gives you a busy schedule. You have papers to write, projects to make, research to do, a seemingly random work schedule, classes to attend, have to cram in meals somewhere, and a mere test gets shoved to the back of your mind. Someone asks you out and you have a look at your mental schedule. No, Thursday seems fine. Then you go to class and the teacher reminds you of the test on Friday. Sure, it was written in that stack of paper you got on the first day of class, but that was two months ago and is hardly been an urgent topic. Now it’s a big enough priority that a mere first date has to slide down the priority list a bit.
Comment by Ibid on 04/07/06.
Ibid, you’re talking to a masters graduate student.
Time management skills are very simple to learn, and if I can do it… Anybody can.
More excuses, excuses… Wow, people are getting really good with excuses instead of sucking it up and growing up.
Use a black book or a pocket calendar or a PDA or whatever…
Comment by nabeel on 04/07/06.
The point is that a test can sneak up on a person. It may mean that someone doesn’t have their life under total control and has a few time management issues, but it is a plausable excuse to cancel a first date with someone you’re not ga-ga over.
Comment by Ibid on 04/07/06.
If she was really into him, she wouldn’t have written this email. She would’ve counteroffered.
Thus, she’s not. But he’s nice.
Please don’t have him waste his money on you
Comment by Stephen on 04/07/06.
Wow, Nabeel is a real hard on. Maybe the test is going to be over more than she expected and she just needs more time (or a million other legit reasons). I mean shit, I have my Masters and I was never prepared for a test until the night before–who the hell cares? Don’t like excuses, huh, how about an excuse for being so lame?
And, this question submitted made me sad because 1) it’s not a question 2) this poor guy seems nice enough, but is about to date some chicken head or worse and he seems so lonely…cruel, cruel world.
I’m a “hard on”? Something tells me that’s a freudian slip. That’s okay V, I’ll take it as a compliment
Comment by nabeel on 04/07/06.
Her flake was lame. If she is remotely interested she is lucky he is trying again. Having said that, his email was pretty lame too. He spent all this time basically saying “See, I am rich enough to make a major purchase on impluse, you should like me.” Talking up your finances to impress a woman is the definition of “zero game.” But yes, he does like Ms. Not-Too-Bright law student, so if she she finds his lack of game endearing, this one is assured.
Comment by Chaco on 04/07/06.
Do you guys make these questions up yourself? Some of these people are such idiots. Actually, most of these people are idiots.
Comment by Emma J on 04/07/06.
someone who puts that many smiley faces in their emails is lame-o. i mean, really. then again, he hangs out in arlington. lame!
Comment by dumbemoticons on 04/07/06.
Lord people, you all take this stuff way too seriously! I posted that email- I happened to stumble on this blog the day I received it and thought it would be fun to submit it just to see what would happen. I posted it more out of curiosity about the site than to get any real response about the email itself. The funny thing about people who comment on blogs that it gives them a forum to say things about other people that they would never have the balls to say to their faces. Anyway, thanks for your comments!
Comment by "Not too bright" Law Student Here on 04/07/06.
Okay, I’m glad that the “Not too Bright” Law Student fessed up to the e-mail… I was afraid that some people would think that the question was mine (as the title of my blog is “Bitter Law Student.”)
To the poster of the question: The dude obviously likes you. If you’re interested, give him another shot. If you’re not, be direct and tell him you’re not interested.
“Not too bright”: flaky behavior is not tolerated by the general public. Your behavior is unacceptable.
Comment by DCB on 04/07/06.
I don’t understand the question or advice being solicited, but I do think I’ve probably written emails like that in my younger days. And that makes me sad, because he sounds like a pussy. There’s nothing like regaling you new romantic interest with the utterly mundane details of your life.
As to my “unacceptable behavior”– he called on Saturday to ask me to dinner on Thursday, and I said yes. I called on Monday to reschedule, which is plenty of advance notice. It’s not as if I waited until 15 minutes before the date and cancelled at the last minute. Unfortunately, life happens. If somebody is going to be so unreasonable as to not understand that, they are not worth a second thought.
Comment by "Not too bright" Law Student Here on 04/07/06.
Not Too Bright: If your law school is anything like mine (and I’m actually assuming your law school is better than mine,) you’ll know when your tests are WAY ahead of time. While I understand that life is hectic at times, if you thought there was ANY chance that you were going to call later to cancel your date, you should have said no.
As for my test, if you are in law school like you say you are, my test was the MPRE. The MPRE is a fairly easy exam that does not require a ton of studying, but you still have to put some time in. I planned on studying for it earlier in the week, but because I also work 3 days a week, I had to work late early in the week because of a last minute project that came up. Like I said before, life happens, and I could not take this project into account when I said I would go out with him. And besides, it wasn’t worth it to me to fail the test just so I could go out with him a second time. Anybody who says that they have never been in a situation like this is lying.
Comment by Not too bright" Law Student Here on 04/07/06.
Metro Section: The Single Life
Some advice for the ladies: “Stop being a bitch.” [DC Bachelor] Some advice for the clueless: “Isn’t it obvious that he wants to bang you? For a law student you are pretty slow.” [First Date DC] Some advice for…
I’m a guy. My take on this is that you are analyzing it way too much. It’s already difficult enough to meet people, and you don’t have to make it harder. Give the guy some leeway here. He is obviously interested in you, and, yes, he probably does want to bang you. But what the hell? Welcome to the male mind. Do you want to be dating a guy who doesn’t want to bang you?
translation:
He wants to go out with you again, but is not sure if you blew him off with the exam excuse or not. Doesn’t want to seem pushy, but at the same time wants to let you know he is definately interested.
My 2cent reccomendation is for you to take the initiative and call him back. Don’t email. Tell him you got his email, and set up another time to go out. That tells him you aren’t blowing him off. If you do want to blow him off, respond by email and tell him that Thursday is not good, but don’t give him another option. He should get the message. If he still writes back after that, then he is desparate, and you can go into plan B.
Don’t forget, contrary to myth, he has no idea what you are thinking.
Comment by duglmac on 04/07/06.
Ouchie. Some of y’all are really harsh. I’m all in favor of telling it like it is, but…damn. I’ll just say this…”Not too bright”: yes, he likes you. Yes, he’s testing the waters to see how you respond to him. No, it wasn’t cool to be flaky, but having done it before myself, I can’t judge too harshly on this. No, it’s not my business, regardless of whether I’m in law/grad/med school, to say whether you managed your time appropriately leading up to the event in question. Just sayin’.
Comment by McJew on 04/08/06.
Most of you sound younger than I am (I hope so for your sake), but here’s this “old man’s” take…
It was inappropriate of you to publicly disclose this guy’s private e-mail to you. It shows a lack of character, and immaturity, on your part. He doesn’t deserve that. Think about it this way….if you told him about this, what do you think his reaction would be? Well guess what, that ’s the person YOU are already - except the poor shmuck doesn’t know it yet.
Also, while it’s not a huge deal (we’re all human), the fact that you agreed to a date without either thinking ahead -or- you had a change of priorities just a few days later (and blew him off), shows (again) a lack of maturity on your part. The fact that you won’t own up to your mistake AGAIN shows a pattern of more of the same behavior.
All that being said, the guy seems like a jerk. Is this an SNL skit? What guy in this day and age tries to impress a woman by his “daring” impulsive purchase of a car. OH WOW!!! What a stud!!! Mr. Excitement. Instead of impressing me, it sends off two warning signals. First, that he thinks women can be bought (well, in truth, he’s right, but that’s another story). Second, he’s irresponsible, i.e. doesn’t think ahead. A car is not somethign to buy impulsively. And immature/jerky behavior is not something a MAN should use to try and impress a woman.
This will seem harsh, and I’m sorry abotu that, because I don’t want to offend or hurt you…. but you’d be better off spending time improving yourself first, and then finding a better guy, rather than pursuing this relationship which has a very low chance of success given the level of immaturity of both of you.
Ha..a rather expensive impulse buy.
